13 Sep I don’t make sense…
I don’t make sense – the question of worthiness.
Do you know the feeling of worthlessness? Do you sometimes wonder why you are here and what this life wants from you? Are you searching for the meaning of life and have you not yet found it?
Maybe it’s time to think about what YOU want from life and whether it’s up to you to make sense of it…or if you should just let life in. Because your life undoubtedly always makes sense, otherwise you would not exist – therefore, just let it happen. Life is not against you, it is not for you, it is what you are. Without you, it wouldn’t exist, right? In that sense YOU are your life and YOU alone have every opportunity to shape it.
I have been concerned with the question of what I want for my children’s lives ever since I became a mother. At first my concerns were for things like material security, freedom, joy, happiness, that they should not miss out on anything, and so on. Later on came the realization that my wishes are completely redundant and maybe are not even their wishes. What I believed to be needed might not be what they really needed from me. My head had once again taken control and I turned from focusing on the here and now and went into planning mode. I imagined all sorts of eventualities that I should either prevent or for which I wanted to actively do something. Today, when my heart speaks, all I can say is:
“I wish that they feel meaningful and free.”
“I want their life to make sense in their eyes – and only in theirs.”
“I want them to feel welcome, loved and enough within themselves.”
What can I do as a mother? What lies in my responsibility, in my power? Can I even influence how my sons and daughter feel?
From love and acceptance
I believe that the most precious thing I can offer as a human being – completely ignoring the roles society places on me as a mom – is my unconditional love. It is my responsibility to reflect on myself over and over again as an example in self-esteem. If I want the lives of my children to be precious and meaningful in their eyes, I must give meaning to my own life, I must pay attention to it, and make it as joyful as I can. Not in a sense of fulfilling expectations of others, not even of the kid’s expectations, but for my own well-being. Only in this way can I live in honesty and truly be myself and live the way to happiness.
Do you do that? Are you grateful for your life, for all the ups and downs, the challenges, the beautiful and the shadowy moments, or is everything that is not rose colored a reason for you to be unhappy?
Get out of the shadows
It is not easy to see happiness in the shadows, but it is a path we can take to do a great service to ourselves and the people we live with.
We will notice that our sense of self-love and respect sets in precisely when we live our true self. We will experience how we become more contented and even happy in what, subjectively, may or may not even be a disaster. We will find answers within ourselves for which nobody has asked us a question and simply let life flow through us. The same applies to the flow, in which we feel so comfortable. This love knows no effort, no constraints, and no need. This love just flows.
It is always said: YOU are the creator of your reality and YOU have to shape your own life as you wish. Certainly this is part of my individual truth. Yet another truth is the letting go of the idea of having to shape everything, to let go of this need to take action and to immerse oneself in what is and always has been: the meaning.
I do not have to do anything
Do we have to give meaning to everything? Do we have to explain everything and piece together our actions and goals? Does it require the implementation of plans and visions? Is it enough to just feel how wonderful it is that things are exactly the way they are? Sure, this has a lot to do with gratitude, the reasons behind painful and difficult situations are not always revealed to us.
I do not have to do anything at all – I’ve found that for myself at some point. Everything that comes into my life, I have either invited or consciously decided on.
Every obstacle, every problem, which in my opinion is not negative (read my article here), makes sense on its own. Without my intervention, without my judgment. Life makes no mistakes – as I like to say – but it makes sense without any doubt. It doesn’t need my action upon it. Neither does it need my thoughts, nor my ideas of a meaning.
Allow, accept, let go
We are allowed to admit what is in us and in our lives and we do not have to construct and insert the meaning, but can simply discover and appreciate it.
That is what the accompaniment of young people is to me: not smuggling my mind into my children’s lives, or projecting my visions on them, but exploring and recognizing their own purpose and helping them to protect it. Accompany children – stay human and in this way repeatedly let go of the questions about meaning in order to receive answers.